The door is locked, and there's no way to knock it down... Digging around,  you manage to find some items: A jar of mayonaise, a broken clock, and some expired lottery tickets. What do you do!? Well not much, because I don't know how to program 3d flash games. But there's still hope.

Ever play those room escape games?

After watching Hitoshi Matsumoto's latest film, you might be inclined to find your way out of some of these ridiculously intricate point and click 3D locked room mystery games!

While arguably, the tools are decidely less random than those seen in Symbol - the item combinations and consequent usage concepts are pretty abstract. Unfortunately, unlike in the film, there are no cool comics with encouraging theme music (that I know of) to brainstorm with. Though there are FAQS out there (but those are no fun, and don't really help your brain to melt)

Anyhow, the best of these games are FREE, load quickly with a solid connection, a fine alternative to crack, and in glorious 3D - no complex controls to learn, only need to point and click.

Start with the classic Crimson Room, and see where it takes you!

I think you probably should Enter the Void.

It's not for everyone; it's explicit, harrowing- even demanding. But if you can deal with that, seeing this epic psychotronic movie becomes less about taking a chance and more about embracing a uniquely enriching existential opportunity;

Leave your body behind in the theatre, and enter the screen-- be taken on a journey through sight and sound, as you ride behind the eyes of Oscar, a doomed young American in seediest parts of Tokyo you can imagine.

Soon you ARE Oscar, in the most effective first person cinema I've ever seen.While of course you have no stake in any decision Oscar makes, you can't help but feel like a participant in the voyeuristic activities he takes on; for better or for worse.It's soon clear that he and you both are in for an extremely bad trip.

While of course indulging in guilty pleasures may put a secret smile on your face, the most enjoyable stuff for me was the worst that Oscar and I had to experience.

It's almost like a roller coaster ride, except at an un-amusement park. And I say this in the most endearing way-- because to say that I've been fully obliterated by a film is the highest compliment I can give it.

While I enjoy light, fun movies as much as the next guy, the movies I really set out to see, that I really love are always the ones that scar me- and not just in a sensational or exploitative way.

My main fear, is that it might be a very long time before a film like this comes along again.It's challenging to watch at times, slow and unflinching- some would argue it needs some editing, but I couldn't tell you what frame to cut. To take anything away from it, I feel would destroy the point of the movie. Nothing is filtered.

If you give of yourself, if you suspend disbelief and take the plunge, you WILL enter the void, and you might not ever be the same upon returning.

You still have one last chance to catch it at TIFF 09!

Enter the Void screens Saturday Sept 19 7:00PM - AMC 9

That stupid grin. Now I know how I'd look after a lobotomy, because, as chronicled in my glassy eyes, there's NOTHING going on in there. And it only took about 30 seconds for my conversation to disintegrate into uncomfortable silence. While I could blame my buddies (you know who you are) who took the picture and winged me for the walk in-- I had also over estimated my own composure.

 Hell, I've met lots of famous people. Carried conversations. The last time I'd been this star struck, was over ten years ago, after randomly meeting Lauryn Hill, on a documentary shoot in Jamaica.  A director friend of mine told me discreetly "Hey man, stars come and go."

Those words stuck with me for years, guiding me through dozens of meetings, chance encounters with some of my idols, helping me not make a fool of myself. But all of this preparation was DOOMED with meeting Zoe Bell, outside of Ryerson theatre, after tonight’s show.

I wasn't prepared for her to be so nice and gracious. Unaffected, easy going, in no hurry at all, there she stood.

Less than a minute with Zoe and my brain turns to mush. My IQ points sapped more and more with every word exchanged. This is Xena's stunt double, The Bride's stunt double, Tarantino's muse in Death Proof! This IS the woman I know for a fact can kick everyone's ass, and routinely defy death itself.

.Just to put things into context-- I was excited - read: on the edge of my seat excited - when Colin first mentioned to me he had met her in Sitges. I was like no F*n way!

I'm thankful I was able to walk away before things got any worse-- more awkward. Perhaps a blood vessel in my ear could have exploded, spewing blood all over everyone. That would have been a bit more awkward... but I still probably wouldn't have noticed: my brain was jello.

You know, in the car ride home, my friends and I had about a dozen normal "spec" conversations with Zoe. All convo's that ended comfortably, without us looking like morons. There should have been so much to talk about! There's a wealth of material! Xena episodes, the crazy ass movie we JUST saw (see BITCHSLAP) that she stunt co-ordinated-- all of that, evaporates when she entertained having a discussion with us. If I'm going to make it in this business, I got to get some kind of training for this shit. I mean I can drop other names, but I don't want to take away from the other stars I've met who have had no effect on me....

Man those first thirty seconds, when I asked her a few questions (maybe 3ish?) were great, I felt like I was about to have a normal conversation with her.I did manage to get one piece of what I hope to be new and unique information, which I wish to send out into the world:

Her dream stunt is to be behind the wheel of a car during a high speed chase!

Movers and shakers, make it happen!

Thank you Zoe, for making me feel like a fan boy again-- it's the reason I got into blogging in the first place!

Catch Zoe in WHIP IT, and in BITCHSLAP (as every girl's stunt double + stunt co-ordinator)

Bitchslap screens next at TIFF:

Wednesday, Sept 16, 3:15pm- SCOTIA BANK 3

Got what it takes to escape the inevitable doomsday?

 Let's do a collective flashback, and reflect on some of best (worst) ways to go.

5 Spoilerific zombie induced deaths, in no specific order.

1 - Wood eye?! (Zombie aka Zombie 2 aka Dawn of the Dead 2)

My god, the very door that separates you from them is turned against you -- and by jeebus, you don't even blink as the hordes of undead pull you EYE first towards a huge wax-impaling splinter. I guess with enough zombie invasions, it's bound to happen sometimes.

2 - Talking Head (Day of the Dead)

People argue that you got a minute of vision after you die-- imagine what that must have felt like to witness your guts pulled out, and then having your head  kicked around, as you watch your new friends fight for your intestines.

3 - Next floor: DOOOM (Dawn of the Dead (Romero's original))

So, the doors open, and the elevator is flooded with hands, and there's no escape. More horrifying is the thought that your armoured safe elevator is transformed into your final-- well not so final resting place. usually it's the other way around, where the monster's hand gets ripped off as the doors shut.

4 - Guilty by Association (Night of the Living Dead)

Whew! that was a close one. Looks like that ordeal is allllll over. You know, I really have a renewed appreciation for carpentry. Maybe I'll settle down out west, open up a - BAM! Man, that really sucks. All that hard work. All the hammering of boards to windows, bitch slapping, keeping all these morons in line- what a thankless way to go. Better than being one of them though, right? Technically, there's not much difference other than principal. The goddamn rifle totting national guard sure don't know the difference.

5 - I think I lost my keys in your Rib cage (Brain dead aka Dead alive)

One second you're enjoying the party, drinking cocktails, flirting with some very promiscuous people and listening to (I think) the latest polka remix, and the next, this random basement door lands on you (again the barrier becomes your doom) and then you got this 50's greaser style zombie digging into your guts, yanking, and pulling out your entire rib cage. What a reversal of fortune. How the hell do you prepare for that? 

Did I miss stuff? Sure! Let me know what's worse, and I (and fellow Midnight peeps) just may rent something list worthy. Catch some inventively new zombie gags tonight at Survival of the Dead, and then again with [Rec]2!

Also, make sure you put some work in should you happen to see one of those shambling intesti-tarians!

GEORGE A ROMERO'S SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD - screens @ TIFF 09:

Saturday Sept 12 11:59 PM - RYERSON/ Sunday Sept 13 12:30 PM - SCOTIA BANK 2

[REC]2 - screens @ TIFF 09:

Tuesday Sept 14 - RYERSON/ Thursday Sept 17 12:30 PM - SCOTIABANK 4/ Saturday Sept 19 6:15PM -AMC 3

So Midnight Madness IS BACK. With an epically huge profile celebrity showing; there's a gi-normus crowd, and when there's a huge crowd, at the back of my mind, there's always that prayer for a zombie apocalypse/epidemic breaking out and making it more ironic. But that never happens.

But what DOES happen, is something, arguably, more magical.

The corporations bang their heads together, and see the crowds forming. Using fancy charts, spread sheets, and laser pointers, they decide that they will deploy units here, and no, THERE.

Long story shorter: Free shit!

Yep. See, you can have a fancy corporate pass, skip all of the lines and stuff. You can arrive in a limo, be sheilded from the screaming masses, escorted directly to your seat-- but if you're not in the lines, you don't get the free shit.

Last night's crusade: Roller girls chanting and delivering wrist/sweat bands to people who'd never wear them. But did. Does that make us marketing pawns? Maybe. But we get free stuff.

Now, it's hard to predict when the best free stuff's gonna hit the line. But if you're a corporation, and looking for a plug, a reason to increase your spending for your huge P and A campaign on hand outs, then by all means, take this as your license: WHIP IT, coming to theatres September 18th!

Last year we got True Blood episode one dvds, and surely that's the reason for the show’s success!

My favourite hand out is still my Ichi the Killer barf bag.

See, it's even cooler when the movie that's actually showing brings em.

Here's to hoping we'll all get more free stuff to ram our pockets with.

See you in the lines!

      

Paul Jones has over 20 years experience working in special FX, and more recently FX Design (head honcho of all practical make-up/prosthetics and physical creature effects).

His FX legacy spans from creature building work on "Nightbreed", to the FX design of "Silent Hill" and the upcoming "Resident Evil 4". I sat down with Jones to get his thought on his work as FX designer on this year's Midnight Madness selection Solomon Kane.

"I got Kane because of Silent Hill -- (Solomon Kane director) Michael Bassett is a big fan of Silent Hill. I was brought in purely based on a completely different movie..."

When looking at the grand scheme of things, Paul reflects on how the genre has advanced from the 80's. More...

So perhaps you've already watched the trailer for Symbol, but are still unsure of what you're getting into. 

That just means you're not insane enough yet.

Here are some subtitled links to some of Machan's (as Japan affectionately knows him) previous work:

So this first one, I rate at about a 3/5 on the weird-o meter, but let's ease this in!

Kinda get a sense of where this is going?

Yep.

Check Out Symbol at TIFF: Thursday Sept. 17 11:59 PM - RYERSON/ Saturday, Sept. 19 12:00 - CUMBERLAND 1

JT Petty's The Burrowers had a great reception at the fest this year, and with S&Man (his notorious MM debut feature) finally getting a DVD release, things continue to look promising for the director.

Currently on his plate, is the adaptation of a Japanese IP which has both been novelized and gotten the manga treatment: Goth.

Goth stories the exploits of two highschool social misfits who use and abuse their detective skills, toying with a handful of serial killers.

I got a line on JT, and asked him a couple questions:

***

Darryl:

Talk to me about Goth!

JT Petty:

Goth felt like a remarkably honest way to do a coming of age / teen romance picture, you cancel out all the maudlin and excessively cute dross that usually clogs those kind of movies with a good dose of sociopaths and serial killers. I've never known a teenage boy who wasn't at least a little bit of a sociopath.

D:

For Goth's cast... Anyone attached or in mind yet?

JT:

Goth is some ways off; the only thing I'd say of casting now is that I'd hope to god I'm able to actually cast teenagers. So hard to really accept a movie about high school where your leads look thirty.

D:

Where did The Burrowers come from?

JT:

Burrowers started from me wanting to make a western; the more I researched the more natural it seemed to make it a horror story, and specifically a monster story. The Old West was such a frightening place, and so alien to the settlers trying to survive there. Once I had a general direction I started coming up with the rules of the monster (always been a big fan of people being buried alive) and worked backwards from there.

D:

What was the major victory that decided S&Man's DVD release?

JT:

S&Man's basically made it into the world through fan demand overriding the legal hassle of getting it releasable. Hopefully it'll be on shelves within six months.

D:

Splinter Cell... You pick the question!

JT:

No idea about the Splinter Cell movie. I was hired to write an adaptation when Peter Berg was on as the director a few years back, but it fell apart when he went on to make The Kingdom instead. Would love to be involved, but who knows.

***

There you have it! Fan support DOES produce results.

 So here's a true Midnight Madness experience horror story, not for the squeamish; but definately for you guys! 

So it's 3am-- ish, in smog filled, Listeria ridden downtown Toronto; and I decide to tag along with some of the other bloggers for a late night bite,

Early breakfast.

We order our food, and I'm enjoying it, everyone is... (for legal purposes)

In a sort of daze I try to keep up with the conversation, it's good times, but something is peculating on the far side of the table.

Gradually, the murmurs start. Protests.

The fellas and ladies start to complain about something that's left on MM blogger Eric Veillette's plate.

An ecological aftermath of uneaten poutine;

See, all this grease has bunched up on one side of his plate.

A glob of melted cheese. And maybe it's the fluorescent lighting, but this thing looks like it's thinking. Growing. Planning.

And Eric shakes his head, like, nah, not gonna eat it.

Eden Log Lover Blogger Jeffery Wright actually pokes this thing with his finger; as if to give it a taste of flesh. Like it needs that.

And the indentation his finger print leaves takes a few seconds to bubble back out.

When the waitress clears away the plates, collects the money, I can already see what's going to happen. And Chris (A guy, who was there) starts doing this impression of it talking, and I'm laughing, but it's not really funny.

It's the kind of laughter you use to kill horrible, horrible satire. To silence the truth.

It knows where you sleep

Because this thing on the plate, that started as cheese and gravy, I'm thinking, it's already slid out in the sink, at the back of the restaurant; and it has heat vision.

And as we walk outside, part ways; it's the first act of a new horror movie.

In the sink, it's attacking other clumps of uneaten food, congealed eggs, it's absorbing them and it's bubbling. At some point it grows a single strand of hair; probably based on Jeff's DNA.

This thing, it's got options. It'll hunt the weakest of us first, which means I need to sleep with my lights on.

But then, it might save me for last; as it drags itself down the street, rolling along collecting cigarette butts, chewing gum, condom wrappers all winding into this mound, by the time it gets here-- it'll be the size of a pit bull.

And this thing demands to be eaten. Vocally, it literally tells you to eat it. Through whichever orifice it can get to.

Eden Log isn't for everyone. I had a hard time getting into it; but I am glad I did. If you like experimental, ballsy filmmaking, then you might want to check this out.

It begins very slow, very minimal. Director Franck Vestiel parallels the protagonist's journey to that of the history of film. First comes still images, dipping to darkness, all black and white-- desolate.

Then the images begin to move, desaturated, and heavy with noir lighting. The sound track throbs to emphasize this.

You have the coarse shadows and inky darkness, jagged subterrian landscapes, crawling with creatures; Begotten comes to mind.

I don't know why I need to compare, but all of those pipes and broken tubes, rising steam in black and white recalls Tetsuo: The Iron Man.

It's not immediately clear what's happening, and the story comes in fragments, and soon careful drips of color follow.

Half way through, I compared the atmosphere to the original Alien, the sets to 2001: A Space Odyssey-- add to this the strange characters of Terry Gilliam.

But by the end of the film, I could recognize that Vestiel's Eden Log was a world all his own.

Eden Log is very vivid, and it's been a long time since I've seen a director with such a strikingly fresh visual style; simultaenously slick composition constrasted by a bleak, brooding desaturated color scheme.

Vestiel's worked with some of the best rising through the ranks, often as an Assistant Director-- his credits include Gaspar Noe's Sodomites, Brian Depalma Femme Fatale, Pascal Laugier (this years MM Martyrs director) film Saint Ange.

I look forward to his next film.

Let's round up some info here:

She's an exotic and beautiful actress from Spain;

She's the star, and title character of Miguel Marti's new film Sexykiller.

She's an award winning Spanish actress with dozens of successful projects under her belt already; including a role in Stuart Gordon's H.P. Lovecraft adaptation Dagon. She's had several roles in Spanish TV series, often playing a returning character.

Macarena in Dagon

No doubt she's big over there; but now we finally have the chance to discover her for ourselves.

In Sexykiller, Macarena Gómez combines the fashion sense of Paris Hilton, the Do-It-Yourself approach of Martha Stewart, with the murderous sensibilities of Hanibal Lector.

No doubt, one of the many creative blood-letting tools of destruction Macarena will weild as Bárbara in Sexykiller.

Tabloid factoid: She used to date Jaume Balaguero, the writer director of [Rec] --> an absolutely stunning zombie flick. You can already see posters hanging in commercial theatre lobbies for the remake, retitled "Quarantine".

Macarena will be on the red carpet this year for the premiere of Sexykiller.

 Ay, Welcome to Spoiler's ville!

Okay, well there will be restraint for actual story details-- but avoid this if you're like me and are not even watching the trailers for these movies.

Whoa, that was ironic!

One of my early posts was about how much I loved Funny Games-- which I had watched to Prepare for Martyrs. A direct comparison. Well I couldn't have picked a more topical movie to rent, incidentally.

So we're at the Q&A, and an audience member challenges the director on the violence in Martyrs, and then goes on to say that Funny Games was more intelligent-- pretty much dissing horror consumption in general.

Now I didn't agree with this as a judgement call; I mean, what did you expect coming into the movie?

Questioning violence in a horror movie, or ANY movie, for that matter, is redundant. Take the violence out of James Bond, see how that holds up at the box office. And my answer isn't about money-- it's about entertainment; and differentiating between the real world and entertainment land. Let's take all of that stabbing out of Hamlet then-- let's see how motivated those characters feel in a land of candy canes. Seriously. EDIT: okay that's an exaggeration, but my point remains-- at the most basic level of a story, people are entertained by violence. The rest is just details.

Of course, I'd be dragged into the middle of this (I drag myself into the middle of the arena, are you not entertained?!)

THEN the director of Martyrs goes on to say that he hates Funny Games, how it speaks to the audience directly and says "Fuck you, pig!" to the viewer.

Yikes. I suppose it does do that.

But maybe I won't pick a side here, but my own side.

Don't roll your eyes just yet; you can have one with the other.

The thing that surprised me most about Martyrs, was the presence of a strong and serious message. (I was also happy to see some very Argento-esque nightmare logic plot twists)

Of course, I was expecting to be entertained, expecting there to be new levels of torment, but I didn't expect to see such an expressive purpose (outside of adrenaline thrills and savage humanity), punctuated so clearly in the final act. I'm thinking more about the underlying reason for the violence than I am about all those amazing special FX.

Now, I've always believed that horror is the perfect genre to express personal beliefs-- but I went in expecting a sort of Last House on the Left for the new millennium. It wasn't that either.

So here it is;

Martyrs is an existensial parable. It's double barrel horror, brilliant executed, brutally violent, endlessly sadistic in expression-- but at it's core, it's not actually about the violence; it's about nihilism, and the impotence of human suffering. Or so I gather!

Funny Games, is in another arena. It breaks the fourth wall; it interacts with the audience; it calls you on the violence by refusing to show it. It knows it's a movie, and it knows you know, and it gets under your skin. It's provocative; an aggressive satirical statement questioning our right to enjoy the simulated suffering of others.

Both movies deny the audience any kind of satisfaction, as far as character karma goes.

They do this differently-- Funny Games breaks out of the expected story structure format to prove a point-- Martyrs shifts gears and changes directions; working within format and revealing the point that's been obscured from the beginning.

My main criteria for an exceptional movie-- is that I need to come away with something resonant.

With Funny Games-- It was vacancy; chills, guilt, the feeling of being pick pocketed by a close friend.

Martyrs... I need to sleep on, if I can ever get to sleep. (It's past 5am and I'm still talking about it!)

 

I'm attaining numbness.

So it's day five? Six? I guess the truth lies in the result of my remaining MM ticket count.

I'm starting to see what Sanjay was talking about. The transformation. I guess it must have happened last year, but I didn't notice.

I'm not supposed to be burnt out-- not like I'm even seeing a full day's worth of films. I shouldn't even be tired by the somewhat late night, I should be totally recovered by now.

I blame the movie-lag on the dog I was babysitting (we have a dog, but got a second of the same breed to baby sit for $100 bucks for 4 days.)

So this dog, in my head, I was going to be free of it yesterday. But then the tropical depression held up the owners at a foriegn airport, and here we are.

My apartment has become a deathtrap of surprise pee stains. Okay, so for those of you that know me, it's even more so. This morning, I'm trying to smell my way to the hidden dump the little guy decided to hide on me. It was behind the couch. And it's narrow back there.

All of these things take a toll.

My brain is numb. My face is loose, sagging, just about ready to fall off. My eyes, double vision; part split screen shot, part projector out of focus.

As I type this thing, my fingers seem to be on a delay, like they're in different time zones, dialing it all in.

My heart might have exploded a few hours ago, but I have another pot of coffee boiling up to finish it off, just in case.

Sleepiness is a natural sort of pain killer.

I'll leave my stomach empty, so they're only be a 25% chance of a thin bile spray, before it's all over. That's my forecast for tonight.

Something that fascinated me for a time; I don't know if it's true, is that I heard that every five years your body will have completely regenerated a cycle of cells, making you physiologically a different person, cell by cell, than you were five years ago. Not sure how this applies to brain cells.

How about applying that to a programme of mind altering films?

Everything's painted with a thin coat of Surreal. And while this may resemble bad goth poetry, all through writing this, I'm wishing I could write some damn haikus for the contest, only I can't remember how many syllabuls they're supposed to be, is it five-seven-five?

But that's how I feel now, five days (?) into becoming a nocturne once again.

I get hungry at different times now--

For breakfast, I fry up some eggs at 2pm.

Dinner IS the movie.

My lunch will most likely be a grease dipped slice of pizza from the big slice around 3am.

My perceptions are different; and my morals are following.

On the edge of my subconcious, I picture the line gathering.

I think I'm ready for Martyrs now.

See you in the line, shamblers!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, using a "search engine" I was able to scientifically formulate "links" (it's complicated stuff) to reviews and such for the feast of films we've witnessed so far.

So far so good! Mostly positive stuff out there.

Not all of them are happy about everything, but you can't please everyone all the time right? 

What matters most, is that the reactions are all passionate.

Check out the state of the programme so far!

JCVD

Darryl says: I dig it. For me, it had the same embrace the moment vibe as Killing Zoe.

They say:

http://twitchfilm.net/site/view/jcvd-review/

http://www.firstshowing.net/2008/09/05/toronto-review-mabrouk-el-mechris-jcvd/

http://www.filmjunk.com/2008/09/06/tiff-jcvd-review/

Detroit Metal City

D says: Funny stuff. The comic book had more bj's but I guess there's a ratings board to consider over there; this is compensated by actually hearing the music of DMC.

They say:

http://twitchfilm.net/site/view/tiff-review-detroit-metal-city/

http://jfilmpowwow.blogspot.com/2008/09/tiff08-review-detroit-metal-city-toshio.html

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/38221

Deadgirl

D says: I want me some of that. Looking even more forward to Sexykiller as an inverse reaction to this.

They say:

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/38233

http://www.tiffreviews.com/2008/09/07/tiff-review-deadgirl-twitch

http://www.dreadcentral.com/reviews/deadgirl-2008

Not Quite Hollywood

D says: check out my post on that one. Heroine overdose for the trailer junkie; will numb you into euphoria with eye candy.

The rest of the class:

http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,24249951-5006023,00.html

http://twitchfilm.net/site/view/tiff-review-not-quite-hollywood/

Acolytes

D says: Beautifully shot, great twists. Director calls it a blend of Larry Clark and Dario Argento.

They say:

http://twitchfilm.net/site/view/tiff-review-acolytes/

http://armstrongkrause.wordpress.com/2008/08/11/acolytes-variety/

http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/film/2021/review

Talk back! Let us know what you loved and hated, loved to hate, hate to love-- as long as it's with all of your heart.

 

Every second of Not Quite Hollywood (let's call it NQH), I battled my own human condition, I tried not to blink. It was adrenaline overdrive, trying to keep up with thing. Doesn't help that Tarantino serves as one of the narrative soundtracks, his own excitement adding more liquid sugar to the rush.

Define Badass: The guys responsible for this movie; Prolific Austrailian genre director Brian Trenchard-Smith (over 30 films directed), NHQ director Mark Hartley, and Anthony Ginnane mega producer (over 60 films produced). EDIT: Also note the subliminal Colin in this pic!

Even though I had to peel myself off of my seat when it was over, I didn't feel the caffeine dump I expected. I was energized and re-invigorated. New blood for a movie vampire!

For the uninitiated in Austrailian genre films (Me), NQH essentially plays like an unending kickass trailer for the best movie you've never seen; take this, and have it re-mixed by a pill popping night club DJ to a DVD style director's commentary... but only skipping to the fun parts. It's a movie made entirely of money shots.

Besides coming out with a long list of movies I've missed, it got me thinking about one of my pre-teen creepy habits.

Before the youtube revolution, a guy diagnosed with attention deficit disorder (Yep, also me) needed other ways to keep entertained.

I needed entertainment immediately, and in small, rapid doses.

So, I used to hang out in video stores for hours at a time; and watch all the trailers. Over and over. This was back when the trailers were less user friendly. I'd walk around from screen to screen, mesmerized by horror movie teasers that my imagination could only magnify, and sculpt into the most horrifying version ever (Later I learnt that often the movies didn't live up to these trailers)

Today, haunting a video store isn't quite as rewarding. The main stream ones, they try to sell you combos. You got all those family movies, and all those rules about what you're allowed to play. It's boiled down with all obscenities cut out, and the voice overs lack the impact of the grating 80's movie voice.

It doesn't help now, that people ask you way more often if you need some help. Take that how you want to.

The next step up from this, was when video stores like Videoflicks got those mini consoles where you could dial in the trailers you wanted to see. Watch them ten times if you want! For a sheltered eleven year old, with a stern Catholic upbringing-- these low rent horror movie trailers played like a peep hole to an S&M dungeon.

Now, the indy stores-- bless their hearts-- they don't have those action packed mix tapes. Usually what's playing, while often entertaining, is more eclectic, suited to the tastes of the individual video clerk; and I must be hanging around at the wrong times. Plus having learnt something about etiquette I start to feel like a creep lingering too long watching what's on.

For the most part I missed out on the whole 80's party tape subculture; but I've seen some-- including a certain badass kungfu mixer!

I was super pumped when I heard Midnight Madness alumni Eli Roth (Cabin Fever, Hostel) was going to make Trailer Trash-- if you hadn't heard, this would have been an entire feature made up of trailers like the ones you saw in Grindhouse. Unfortunately, it appears like that's no longer happening.

Until then, we got youtube mixers (check out some awesome giant robot fights!) , and while it's still running, the current heavyweight number one contender of movie mixers; Not Quite Hollywood.

For your protection, I've been fitted with an explosive neck bracelet sensitive to Midnight Madness spoilers-- in this case The Burrowers!

It's a fringe sort of concept that I would like to see more of... First consider the setting; and I'm really a fan of these hybrid concept horror films; this one a fusion of a Classic Western and the Creature Feature.

RAVENOUS is the only comparison I can think of; where I have also seen horror and frontier western married so effectively.

And I keep pushing this to people, but I think Ravenous and The Burrowers would make a great double feature. Let me know what you think here.

But today, I want to talk about a movie that Burrowers has been unjustly compared to on the boards of imdb.com. Another movie with underground creatures... Tremors.

While spectacular in its own right Tremors (part one, anyway) is a far ways off from the kind of brooding terror JT Petty (S&MAN) accomplishes with The Burrowers.

After watching the Chuck Liddel vs Rashad Evans fight last night after midnight madness, with my eyeballs hanging out of my face, around 4am, I'm thinking it's about time we have some competition of our own here.

Tremors VS The Burrowers!

Round one; How do you prefer to die?

A Tremor creature would offer you the shot gun to the face sort of death, devouring you instantly in a mess of chomped guts, half eaten rocks and car parts. Not so bad, depending on how you luck out with tooth and fang placement.

In The Burrowers, human death only comes in one flavor; slow and painful. They'll still eat you, but it's more of an uhm... process. My spoiler necklace prevents me from saying more without my jugular exploding, into an eight second red mist.

Round two: The matter of Escape

Your average pick up truck could out run a Tremor creature. (Is that the scientific name for them? ) Edit: They're called Grabiods!

From what I've observed in the wild; A Burrower, would have trouble keeping pace with a horse... I'm not sure it could even begin to keep up with a motor vehicle.

This round goes to... well, wait a second!

See, the problem is the Tremor creature loses your address, in its limited mental map of roots and pipe placements... The Tremor creature shuffles around, slinks back into the dirt, grossly confused by the vibrations of a nearby jackhammer.

The Burrower, although dramatically slower, would patiently track you and eventually make it inside of your house while you slept. At which point, with equal patience, it would help you to die.

Which brings us to weaknesses. Every great movie monster is weak against, well something-- how exactly do you kill these things?

Round Three: Sorting these bastards out

So in Tremors, I seem to remember some well placed dynamite combined with Kevin Bacon's craftiness. I feel like one of em split open on the pavement after being tricked out the side of a cliff? (Sorry, my exploding spoiler neck bracelet only works for protecting MM movies.)

The Burrower... well, they're the crafty ones, and we got no dashing young Kevin Bacon to back us up here. This will demand a different, less spur of the moment sort of plan of attack; you'll have to see for yourself-- but I give the final act of Burrowers the edge for this round.

Okay, but what we want to see here is a Godzilla movie resolution between the two, no? And I'm not sure that there's any kind of cross over feature planned for the two films; and with the more recent Tremor movies, I'd say to keep that one in retirement. But for the sake of MM blogging, let's pace this one out;

Face to face, in an open field, one on one, the two creatures bearing down on one another, with anime speedlines in the background, I'd say the Tremor monster would get the KO... They're just so damned big. It's a different weight class.

The problem is, Burrowers don't roll alone. Tremors had the budget to show what, maybe three of those giant worms at once? That's hardly deserving of the plural title.

The Burrowers, well, once you're marked...

My neck bracelet is starting to beep again, so I better post this before it--

 

 Okay so this upcoming film Acolytes...

Has a pretty spiffy premise. My kind of premise. Socially irresponsible!

I'm going to try to keep this at a cool speculation spoiler level of about .5 milligrams per second.

The premise is that these kids discover the identity of a serial killer, and twist his arm into helping them get revenge on a childhood bully-- at which point something goes wrong. Wronger, anyway.

So just as a sort of dip stick measurement of the collective insanity out there, I'm inviting people to comment with their own baggage/damage on how you'd best abuse a serial killer's services?

No need to name names here, as we don't want any bodies turning up-- but let's all just pretend we have no conscience here-- If you could blackmail a serial killer, what would you have them do-- and how would you protect yourself?

Here's some ideas to help percolate the pot:

1. Laundry, or dishes, other menial tasks. But this doesn't really take advantage of a professional murderer's innate abilities. On the other hand, they'd probably have their own latex gloves-- but depending on the 'school' of maniac we're dealing with here, they might also substitute dish soap for ocular fluids. OR... clean everything pristine, but then chop you up for dirtying them again.

2. Revenge... is so over saturated at the moment. Let's see what the actual movie does on this topic.

3. Pest control; like bugs and rats and stuff? Let's see them rig mini nooses and SAW-like games on fire cracker budgets for some vermin. Go back to those childhood roots, and put em to some positive use!

4. Return late library books. Just make sure to exclude any copies of "The Catcher in the Rye" to avoid red flags.

5. Negotiate the conditions of the warranty on new electronics at pushy big-time retailers. Seriously. Try selling these guys air, and see if they don't snag a killer deal.

6. Kill that annoying boss you can't pass in a video game. Okay, so this doesn't account for motor skills, but more appealing to the psychotic determination and narcissism that only a cold blooded killer could possess.

7. Get them to give you a really amazing massage. Okay, so this one's pushing it a little bit, putting your neck on the proverbial chopping block-- but I'm assuming as a member of the midnight underground, you have the nerve for it. Seriously.. if they're really good at killing people they should know all about pressure points and human anatomy. There's got to be an up side to that.

8. Navigate the automated maze of a major telephone company's costumer service hot lines, to argue over your phone bill. I'm talking touch tone. Only problem here, is the red flag around the voice disguiser when they finally ask to speak with the manager.

9. Use them as a babysitting/parenting deterrent... Like that old "Far Side" comic. Lock them up in the basement with a bunch of crazy power tools, and threaten the kids you're responsible for whenever they're bad. Oh, you wanna see REALLY bad? You go spend some quality time with the bad man! (Okay so this one's pretty bad, but... I mean how responsible are you anyway, messing around with a serial killer?)

10. Bounce ideas for screenplays off of them, to stay fresh, original and realistic! New franchise here we come!

 I'd like to talk about the strange hybrid of allergy season with Midnight Madness.

Now, some of you may argue, it's always allergy season, and this is true. Just like it's always day or night in different parts of the world, so too are allergens forever tormenting people of every nation and creed.

Big deal, though, right?

Well now it's Ragweed season, and it's hitting a lot of people hard. I've seen you shambling around, with those itchy watery eyes. Sniffles. Red noses, nostrils chaffing. Pockets overflowing with snot rags, shredded to lint from overuse.

I'm one of you-- and it has been getting worse for me each year. I'm blaming that on the smog.

Anyhow, bare with me, it all becomes relevant... now.

So each day before a Midnight Madness screening, I have three choices.

1. Take the red pill.
2. Take the white pill.
3. Or no pills, and blow mucus membrane all over the people in the row in front of me, recreating a sort of placebo effect version of that scene in Outbreak (micro focus on germ particles orbiting through the theatre, before zeroing in on a random person's open mouth). At least, I'm pretty sure I don't have any pandemic.

Okay, so without naming any brands, let me tell you about the pill choices; and why, maybe, I'm not alone here.

So the red pill, that one puts me to sleep in a forty five minute bracket. Knocks me right out. Pretty awesome, but not really suitable, either, for the hardcore movie goer.

My last refuge, the white pill... Isn't a pill I started with.

I've gone through a few brands, but each year my current pill seems to lose it's effect. I had to keep trading up.

Until I found the white one.

It is really frikking strong. My symptoms all but melt away. It's like a time out on allergy season-- and I'm not even trying to sell you the damn thing, this is for real.

Only problem is, there's other side effects. Side effects, not necessarily desirable for the circumstances, but not necessarily irrelevant either, depending on which levels you wish to enjoy a film.

Now, I'm an imaginative person and I can be really psychosomatic; everything I read, I pretty much believe, but these symptoms are facts, spelt out plain and clear, just do a search for antihistamines...

For medicated allergy sufferers, tonight's movie may include feelings of increased Nervousness.

It may be accompanied by Hallucinations, and Paranoia... So perhaps you'll be enjoying this film in a sort of cerebral 3D. Nope, that's not just the sub woofer subliminally talking to you.

In addition to the heightened situations of suspense and dread already occurring in a film like Deadgirl, you may notice an irregular heart beat, confusion, and severe dizziness.

For those of us truly unlucky, fighting the pollen might also mean we gotta worry about increased blood pressure, severe head ache and or blurred vision, trouble concentrating... And I can't really think of the upside to this, unless you want to compare it to DMC's Krausser singing a painfully trendy song for his die hard fans.

There's more...

Difficulty urinating (this means no more annoying bathroom breaks!)

Easy bruising or bleeding, fever, chills, body ache; this is how the Midnight Madness movie becomes more than a metaphysical roller coaster!

And this is just from your standard dose. It's a biochemical lottery.

All of these symptoms are being copied from an existing list, and we all know to believe everything we read on the internet.

Now, this isn't a plea to do drugs or anything. It's just information. And if you happen to have allergies, and are medicated, you might have noticed this already.

But there's a reason drug stores regulate the amount of allergy pills you can buy in a single purchase; that's because they're an actual ingredient in the creation of Meth-amphetamine. Not that I know the other ingredients. I'm just passing on what comes to me.

The pollen count, according to the Weather Network's Claritin Report, currently sits at 30 for ragweed, which it rates as moderate. That's nothing. Just a day ago it was over 100 grains per meters cubed.

(And for the record Claritin is NOT the white pill I'm taking)

Ragweed should be going strong until about October.

As a disclaimer, I should add that movie theaters were recommended to me by my doctor (who's actually a real doctor in the phonebook) -- as the BEST place to escape your suffering. The air circulation is heightened; I guess that means less dust and particles settling, more filtering.

But there's still the matter of the line.

And these are sold out shows; who knows if the guy sitting in front of you was rolling around in allergens all day before catching a bus to the screening.

I'm just sayin!

 I rate this article, as spoiler level 1/5.  That's code yellow.

"Midnight madness this year is about discovery," says head honcho of all things midnight, Colin Geddes.

He's sorted through gabillions of movies, year after year-- a sort of human litmus test for cinematic irritants and stimuli.

(Another good friend of mine makes money taking mystery pills for medical research; and I often worry about the long term effects; but this is for the good of society-- and I suppose the bank accounts of devil worshipping corporate conglomerates that Lloyd Kaufman (Poultrygeist) is often talking about)

If there's anything to worry about after watching a million bad films to find that one diamond in the rough, I suppose many of us will share the same fate.

Whether it's getting a lame song stuck in your head that accidentally slips out at an inopportune moment... or having IQ points permanently seared from your brain by the sheer radioactive stupidity of plotless drivel--

There's a reason I never became a doctor or a lawyer. And that reason is between me and my largely non-porn DVD collection.

But despite it all, Colin has once again endured and survived all, major motor functions still intact, with little side effects to speak of!

But that doesn't mean we will.

Because good movies have side effects too;

Like trying to convince your friends that the new Jean-Claude Van Damme (Bloodsport, Double Impact) movie is brilliant and intellectually stimulating.

People start to question your credibility when you say this IS the most unexpected performance from an actor you've seen since Tarantino's turn in Suki Yaki Western Django.

These kind of questionable quotes have a way of trickling down into your life and affecting bank loans, murder alibis, references of character.

Now, I'm not on a steady Cannes diet or anything...

(JCVD, incidentally, was discovered at Cannes) 

And my grammar might be terrible, but I can still kind of read. What I'm trying to say, is, this movie R0XXX0RZ!!1.

And I need to credit random happy guy walking on north on Yonge street who enthusiastically approached me and my friend after the film, grinning; he goes "You guys at JCVD?"

A couple sentences later, he's telling us how Mr. Damme sure shut us up with that monologue.

I later described the monologue as heart-breaking.

And I keep catching myself talking about this movie's unabashed truthfulness-- only adding in minor details of that behemoth one take action scene it fires off with, so I don't look like a complete sap. But Jean-Claude Van Damn; that guy really poured his heart out.

(insert Fresh Prince of Bel Air royalties were applicable)

You know, I remember a time when I'd see an action movie and the kind of small talk I'd get after was like; "Dude, that slowmo explosion with that chopper crashing into the orphanage-- that was awesome."

Or, "When he round-house kicked those eight guys in that narrow elevator, without spilling his latte--"

But there we were, walking away, hyping the emotional potency of a redeemed action star.

Yeah, Discovery, like the man said.

I'm starting to discover things, softer aspects of my nervous system, and I'm not sure that's going to help when I watch Deadgirl, Acolytes, Martyrs.

I think the plan here is to soften us up for the kill; or perhaps just to kill us repeatedly.

 I should mention that this blog post is spoiler-ific!

So unless you've already seen Irreversible, Martyrs (which I haven't but will speculate about)  Funny Games or (either version) or even "Inside" -- be wary treading deeper into this post! Go back and return when you are properly equipped, but by all means, continue if you just don't care.

 

I might even pad it with other movies you want to see, but this is all the warning you get.

In preparation for Martyrs , this year's mean spirited entry , I rented and saw for the first time "Funny Games". The US version, with Naomi Watts (The Ring), who also served as the executive producer.

BACKGROUND: With my ear to the street, Internet, and intuition.. .From what I gather on Martyrs, is that it's the equivalent of last year's MM selection "Inside" only more like a punch to the genital unit with no apology after. That's not very nice. Cause saying your sorry means something to the viewing audience. To me, this means... Repaying the directly proportionate emotional investment with interest, dividends in the form of just deserts for the offending party.

Because there's a bond of trust with the viewing audience. We've been placated for so long with cookie-cutter content, that it almost becomes religiously required for a film to own up to it's misbehavior, and have all major injustices undone, made even-- or worse: The surviving protagonist character could learn something! They could walk away stronger!

Like it was a good thing their loved ones were raped, murdered, mutilated before their eyes.

This is something these movies OWE us, right? If we're going to see two girls slaughtered in the Last House on the Left, we're for damn sure not leaving until some parents rev up a chainsaw, and carve out some justice.

Sure, it's only fair. It's cathartic. It's a natural fulfillment algorithm that works every time. Set up some mildly likable people, send in the psychos, and the drama will take care of itself. Bad guys go in, Good guys come out. Having become a stronger, more caring, compassionate person-- at the cost of savagely killing their aggressors.

Irreversible did it backwards, and some how, I was starting to get the point, but still didn't grasp it. Alfred Hitchcock did it right with Psycho, by killing off a major protagonist early in the story... but I still wouldn't get the gist of it, until about forty-five minutes ago when I saw Funny Games.

Horror, by definition, isn't supposed to be cathartic. You're supposed to suffer. It's a "Give-the Consumer-a-Pleasant-Product-so-they-can-come-back-again" mentality that enforces what we believe to be proper three act structure.

So, I'd hope that redeems me somewhat, for not actually enjoying the torment that occurs in "Funny Games". At least before I forced myself outside of the situation, and saw it all to be very clever; an unfortunate way for me to escape dealing with absolute horror unfolding in front of me. That maybe it's only redeeming quality-- it's horror film you won't enjoy.

What I'm left with, is a vacancy similar to what I'm expecting to experience with the hyped to be harrowing "Martyrs".

And of course, people are going to complain! That's how you know it's worth seeing; by the outcry of the protests; by responses that are weighed more on emotion than valid unbiased criticism.

On imdb.com , Funny Games sits somewhere around a six out of ten. This is a movie that's shot by arguably the best cinematographer in the entire world Darius Khondji (Seven, City of lost Children). It's a movie that more often than not cuts away from the violence (forcing gorehounds to deal with the emotional gravity of the situation). It's convincingly acted. Dialogue, for the most part, in the realm of realism. Can't complain about the score, cause there is none. Nothing wrong with the edit. Breaks some conventional film making rules, but only to add to the story. So why the bad rating? Because it's rotten to the core, and that's hard to deal with.

So why, some of you might be asking, do I want to see a movie like this? Because movies, my friends, are drugs. And they're still legal. They are emotions wrapped in celluloid, you agree? Well, I enjoy romantic comedies more than I'd like to admit... But, I want to feel with all of my soul. I want new sensations, with the only side effect being lingering emotion. It's the closest you can get to living without leaving your couch!

How else could you feel such low lows, such euphoric highs-- without being locked up, evicted, left with lasting guilt?

That said, Midnight Madness is crack for the movie junkie!

Use responsibly.

 

 

 

Wow it's been a year already!

Incidentally, I was in Tokyo this summer, and while there witnessed a city wide marketing campaign for one of this year's selections!

Guess which one?!

More saturated than Naruto or Death Note, Bleach... but not Gundam... not yet anyway... was DMC!

Now imagine this poster 400 times bigger, hung over a large crowd.

No, not Devil May Cry for fellow gamers-- but Detroit Metal City which will explode on screen at MM in the next few days.

I'm talking action figures. Not happy meal accessories either, but fully articulated boxed figurines, box sets, bobble heads, DMC blankets, manga DVDS, CD compilations, singles-- bags at HMV plastered with images from the movie.

This guy's the drummer...

This movie is no small deal. You could compare this sort of attention for a clearly subversive movie to the marketing of Fight Club-- my favorite American studio film ever.

You know, when I leafed right to left through the DMC reprint of issue no.1, not really understanding anything going on in the dialogue bubbles-- I could still quickly piece together that this movie is going to be pretty... well, er, let's just say unconventional. Liberal, maybe? Who knows, maybe they were talking about educational stuff, but the things these characters were doing weren't very PG 13.

They look so cute when they bite the heads off of small animals!

Now, I'm not sure if we're talking Miike level weirdness; but the images I saw put a smile on my face, and after sharing it with my fiancee (who's Japanese)-- she refused to read it openly on the subway. Claiming it was WEIRD. These are the kind of red flags that I look for when seeking out quality product.
That aside, let me indulge myself by commenting on the bizarre duality I witnessed in Japan. Mass Marketed by HMV (love it) Too weird to be accepted in public.

And this just doesn't apply to my fiancee-- but many of the people I met over there. No one had heard of Miike Takashi (Audition, Ichi the Killer) !
The Machine Girl played in only two grassroots theatres, one with only one show a day.

I watched a pretty insane horror movie called Tamami: the Baby's Curse on only it's second day... and the theatre was practically empty.
Now I'm not going to say that the HMV marketing machine is also behind Tamami-- it's not! But it became clear to me that these movies are made for US. They're exports!

I don't intend to generalize, but the the niche audience was visibly smaller there-- and my fiancee has been telling me this all along. Unless, of course, there is a clandestine underground movement where they screen truly depraved exploitation movies, and I just wasn't invited.
So support HMV Tokyo, the Japanese cult film export industry and see DMC!

A literal cog in HMV Tokyo's marketing machine... Coin dispensable DMC!

...Just so you know it appeals to the underground too; they were also selling DMC t-shirts in basement punk rock stores in Harajuku (Tokyo's Kensington Market meets Queen street but with crepe stands, goth dolls, and 50's style greaser biker dudes everywhere rockin out)

More links to start a shoppin!

http://www.tmpanime.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=2276

http://www.cdjapan.co.jp/goods/goods_detail.html?KEY=NEOSL-13089# 

Yep, they came for Flashpoint, they beat each other up all over Toronto, and now they're streaming their adventures to the internet.

Check out the LBP Toronto Invasion!

( In association with Toronto's own Eclipse Stunt Crew)

Well guys? Are we gonna see you in the lines next year?

 

 

 

 

 

Above: DL Macdonald and Johnny Caine of the Eclipse Stunt Crew

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wilson Yip with Shawn Bernal and Emmanuel Manzanares @ the premiere of FLASH POINT

 

 If "Dead Again" didn't sell you on the dangers of scissors , "Inside" will surely close the deal: SNIP!

This film discovers more uses for scissors than a Swiss army knife! (Well, er, that's if the Swiss army knife doesn't already include scissors)

In fact, it's debatable if Edward Scissor-hands himself has gotten this much scissor mileage in a lifetime usage of his scissor-hands.

Unfortunately, the scissors featured in this film have fallen into worst hands possible.

Yes. Shear-evil... Evil, but creative, that is!

*here be spoilers, alas this is not much fun if you haven't seen the movie*

Here are just SOME uses:

*

*

*

Ugly stick

Peep hole maker

Anti-peep hole deterrent

Hand De-Sanitizer

Silencer (with optional pillow attachment)

Negotiation tool

Counter-Intelligence Probe

Non Oral Contraceptive

Scissors of life

Body count increaser

Punctuation. Or puncture-action. Well, let's just say it ends a lot of sentences.

Plot device (well, come on! It moved the story forward didn't it?)

*

*

*

*

* end spoilers

Yeah.... so I'll cut-it-out before the groaning gets loud enough for me to hear on this side of my computer.

Anyhow-- definitely find a way to watch this movie, if you haven't already. Alongside the award worthy scissor innovation, it also brings contemporary horror to new extremes.

This was the only movie where I was sitting in proximity of a horror fan who had been excitedly cheering in the beginning, who was so disgusted by the end of it, and absolutely destroyed by the end of it, he was protesting the lines that the movie had crossed.

I smugly told him that this was what horror IS about!

Horror, defined by Dario Argento, is the emotion of pure revulsion.

Stephen King said (and I paraphrase) -- that if Terror is the emotion you experience while riding a roller-coaster- then Horror is the emotion that occurs when the roller-coaster skips the tracks.

And that's exactly what we saw in "Inside"... it goes places, well, I'd never want to see in real life.

And yes, I was numb by the end of it-- but loving every second. Don't tell my doctors.

It was the perfect film to close the show; leaving me blood-thirsty for next year!

Also would like to extend a big thanks to:

Colin, Shane, Chris, Amanda, Sanjay, Michelle, Carol and the rest of the team for making this year so great.

I'm sorry to offend any tall people with my baddie sighting.

I am not racist or sizist or anything like that-- just intended to be a light hearted joke.

If you had seen the movie "Dainipponjin," it deals with gigantic 50 foot tall monsters-- so this was just a hyperbole. I should have made that clearer in my post, and sincerely didn't mean to hurt any feelings, any more than I was making fun of myself for being short. Sorry to offend.

The littering thing was a reference to an earlier post, as I got busted for bringing in Gatorade.

Attention, all Dai (great giant) Canada-jin! A new baddie has been sighted lurking around the film festival. Please help us to capture, defeat, or deport this new baddie:

FAT-HEAD BADDIE

This baddie has a gi-normous head and likes to sit in front of short people at the film festival, obstructing the best possible view of the screen and blocks out key words in the subtitles! And for unknown reasons, Fat-Head Baddie likes to sit up even taller half-way through a movie. Also leaves empty Gatorade bottles on the theater floor. These are the characteristics of FAT-HEAD BADDIE

Have you seen any baddies?

Get baking!